Remus & Severus, Loss of Albus's Keys, & Pokemon
by SilverWolf7007
Summary: Dumbeldore decides to hold a feastpartyeventdancethingy for a large group of people. He locks the door to the Hall. He 'loses' his keys. What do Severus and Remus have planned? And what does it have to do with what they did last weekend? Complete.
1. We're All Doomed, Doomed I Tell You!

I can't believe I actually wrote this. Please don't hurt me. It wasn't my choice.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Harry Potter characters. I don't own Pokemon. And my younger brother owns most of the plot. I just own the dialogue and Dumbledore's keys.  
  
I am aware that this sucks completely. (So I don't need all you flamers to tell me). Don't hurt me. My brother made me do this. I wasn't even gonna post it.  
  
I wont continue this unless I get reviews, so don't worry. If you want it continued, review. If you don't, don't.  
  
Read if you dare.  
  
  
  
REMUS & SEVERUS, THE LOSS OF DUMBLEDORE'S KEYS, AND POKEMON  
  
By Silver Wolf (And her brother)  
  
CHAPTER ONE - THE BEGINNING (Or, 'We're all gonna DIE!!!!!')  
  
"Er, Minerva," Dumbledore said at the end of the feast/party/event/dance/thingy. "Have you seen my keys?"  
  
McGonagall's head shot up. "What???" she demanded. "Don't tell me you've lost them! The last time you did that, when Remus and Sirius, well, you know...anyway! They must be in one of your pockets."  
  
Dumbledore shook his head sadly. "I'm afraid not. I've checked them all. I've lost them."  
  
Madam Pomfrey and Madam Pince gasped in horror.  
  
"You mean we're locked in???" Severus and Remus demanded. They immediately went into a corner.  
  
Dumbledore nodded. "And with such a combination of visitors, too..."  
  
Dumbledore had invited a large group of people to have a feast/party/event/dance/thingy at Hogwarts with him over the summer. He had done this only once before, when he had lost his keys. The boredom had led to Sirius and Remus starting a game of Truth or Dare......no one wanted to ponder the possible outcomes of tonight.  
  
* * * * *  
  
McGonagall looked around the Hall at the different people there. A few dead people had even been returned to life temporarily to join the 'fun'. She could see James Potter and Sirius Black throwing something (she couldn't tell what, and wasn't sure she wanted to know) at Peter Pettigrew and Lord Voldemort (who was complaining about 'how HARD it was to be an evil wizard these days').  
  
* * * * *  
  
Draco Malfoy looked up at the staff table and pointed out to Harry Potter (who he had the displeasure of sitting next to) that most of the teachers looked as if the world were about to end. "Maybe Voldemort locked us in here."  
  
Harry shook his head. "Don't be stupid, Malfoy." Suddenly his eyes widened in horror. "Oh no," he whispered.  
  
"What's your problem now, Potter?" Draco asked in annoyance.  
  
"I think...I think that Dumbledore's lost his keys. We're locked in. And Sirius and Remus are here......"  
  
"So?"  
  
"The last time they were locked in the Great Hall with a bunch of other people, they played Truth or Dare and half the guests ended up naked," Harry hissed frantically.  
  
"I was here, and I can remember it." Lucius Malfoy said with a pained look. "Narcissa and I were among those who ended up unclothed. Another person was McGonagall. I hope someone else has a key."  
  
Draco had paled considerably (which is saying something). "Me too."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Remus Lupin and Severus Snape were standing in their corner talking. To a casual observer, the two men seemed to be just as dismayed by the loss of Albus Dumbledore's keys as everyone else. However, that wasn't the case...  
  
"Remus, how did you manage to get them without anyone noticing?" Severus whispered.  
  
Remus shrugged. "Four years of stealing my things back out of James and Sirius's pockets can't have hurt."  
  
"I suppose not."  
  
"Are we going ahead with this, Severus?"  
  
"Of course. At least it isn't Truth or Dare."  
  
"Shut up, Snape."  
  
"Make me, Lupin."  
  
Remus then proceeded to place a silencing charm on him.  
  
* * * * *  
  
James and Sirius paused in their throwing as Remus and Severus walked up to the front of the hall.  
  
"Wonder what this'll be about," Sirius whispered.  
  
James shrugged. "Don't ask me, just shut up and find out."  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes but said nothing.  
  
"I'm afraid we have some bad news," Severus started as everyone fell silent. "The Headmaster has, uh, 'misplaced' his keys, and we are therefore locked in here until they are found."  
  
"We're all gonna DIE!!!!!!" several voices yelled. Among them were Harry, Draco, James, Lucius, Sirius and McGonagall.  
  
"Unlike the last time this happened," Remus continued. "There will be no games of Truth or Dare." There were quite a few relieved sighs from those who had been present that previous time. "However, Severus and myself will be providing you with some entertainment."  
  
Sirius shot James a worried look, which he returned. This wasn't looking good.  
  
"Don't worry, we won't be stripping." Most of the females looked disappointed. "And we wont be doing much comedy."  
  
"Key word being 'much?" James whispered.  
  
Sirius looked desperate. "God I hope not."  
  
"Last weekend, Severus and myself were watching a Muggle program called Pokemon. We couldn't help but compare a lot of you to the Pokemon."  
  
"Pokemon are little monster thingies. Anyway, we decided we would tell you which Pokemon you reminded us of and why. As well as give you all a description of that Pokemon."  
  
"And we will be beginning with..." Remus sent a rather evil grin in Harry's direction. "...Harry Potter." 


	2. Poor Harry, he's gonna die!

Can you believe it!!! My brother said he'd help me, but he didn't! so I just wrote it by myself. Oh well.  
  
Thanks to Kiami Sinno, Senshia, Yumi, Dana, hermione1fanever, Christi Morelei, and K. H. T for reviewing the first chapter! You guys are the ONLY reason that there is a second chapter. Well, you and my best friend who I told to threaten me to sit down and write stuff.  
  
  
  
  
  
REMUS & SEVERUS, THE LOSS OF DUMBLEDORE'S KEYS, AND POKEMON  
  
By Silver Wolf  
  
CHAPTER TWO - POOR HARRY  
  
"Well," James said after a few minutes of silence. "Are you going to get on with it?"  
  
Remus cleared his throat. "Harry, could you come up here please?" he asked with a smirk.  
  
Harry stood up and walked slowly up to stand next to Remus. "You aren't going to hurt me, are you?" he asked nervously.  
  
"Of course not," Severus snapped. "We're simply going to compare you to the Pokemon that you remind us of."  
  
"If you say so," Harry said dubiously.  
  
"Now," Remus began. "The first thing you need to take into account is that Harry is famous. So is the Pokemon that reminded us of him."  
  
"Also," Severus continued, "Harry is the star of the series. so is the Pokemon."  
  
"I'm the title character, thank you very much!" Harry exclaimed indignantly.  
  
"Yes, yes, we know," Remus assured him. "However, the Pokemon we are referring to is not. You have a lightning bolt shaped scar, while your Pokemon is an electric type."  
  
"The Pokemon is very courageous, and that is a trademark of Gryffindor house. You have proved that you have courage on numerous occasions, and you are often stupidly brave. Again, like your Pokemon."  
  
"I dare say that you are all wondering the name of the Pokemon that we described," Remus said with a laugh. "Would anyone like to guess?"  
  
Hermione's hand shot up. Both Remus and Severus ignored her. Soon, the hands of Dean Thomas and Lavender Brown joined hers. They still did not call on any of them.  
  
"No one?" Severus said, faking disappointment.  
  
Harry was about to point out that three people had their hands up, but the evil expressions on the faces of the two men stopped him from speaking up.  
  
Or that COULD have been the silencing charm that Remus had used on him only seconds before he was going to speak.  
  
"Ah, what a shame Severus," Remus said with a grin.  
  
Severus nodded. "Yes, a real pity."  
  
"Maybe we should show them what it looks like," the werewolf suggested, winking at his fellow entertainer.  
  
"Yes, a good idea, I think."  
  
Remus pointed his wand at Harry and spoke. "Poke-change!"  
  
Harry began to shrink and turn yellow, before completely turning into a large yellow mouse-like creature. "Pika?" he said in a surprised voice.  
  
Severus laughed. "As you may have guessed by now, Harry Potter reminded us very strongly of Pikachu, the lead Pokemon in the series."  
  
Remus turned to Harry - er, Pikachu. "Hang around, once we're done we'll change you back."  
  
Harry looked rather doubtful, but jumped onto a nearby seat to watch the proceedings.  
  
Severus smirked. "And we have chosen Peter Pettigrew as our next victim - er, contestant."  
  
Remus raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know this was a game show."  
  
Severus shrugged. "I've always wanted to be a game show host."  
  
"I'm sure you have."  
  
*************************************************  
  
"I don't believe it," James said disbelievingly. "They turned my son into a yellow mouse!"  
  
"Don't worry James," Sirius said soothingly. "It's not like he's a rat."  
  
"But he's close," James wailed. "It's not fair!" he looked close to tears.  
  
Lily shook her head sadly. "I never did trust Remus completely. Never trust a man who turns your son into a Pokemon, that's my motto."  
  
"I thought your motto was 'Hakuna Matata!" Voldemort exclaimed.  
  
Lily shook her head. "I thought it was time for a change."  
  
"Master, remember what I said about quoting the Lion King," Wormtail said nervously.  
  
Voldemort's eyes narrowed. "Indeed I do, Wormtail." He laughed evilly. "And for thinking that you could tell me what to do, I'm going to have to punish you!"  
  
"Oh no!"  
  
"Oh yes! I'm going to use the tickling charm!!!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Well? What did you think??? 


	3. Remus is Insane, as Any James or Sirius ...

Well. I wrote more.  
  
Thanks to the following people for reviewing: Fi-fo the Black Queen, ress, RiastlinofMetallica, Selina, Broadwaypoetess *LaBloodyRose, I Am A Sly Slytherin, Spazz Angel, Christi Morelei, Kero-chan.  
  
You people rule!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
REMUS & SEVERUS, THE LOSS OF DUMBLEDORE'S KEYS, AND POKEMON  
  
By Silver Wolf  
  
  
  
  
  
CHAPTER THREE - IN WHICH WE RIGHTFULLY DOUBT REMUS'S SANITY  
  
"Now," Severus called, catching the attention of everyone who was talking. Which was just about everyone. "Peter Pettigrew, get your mangy butt over here so we can do the whole Pokemon thing!"  
  
Voldemort took the Tickling Charm off Wormtail, so he'd be able to walk up to the two men providing entertainment.  
  
Wormtail made an annoying little squeaking noise, but stayed put.  
  
Remus began to growl menacingly. "Surely you don't want to upset me, Wormtail. It will end in copious amounts of pain for you."  
  
Wormtail, the annoying little evil henchman he is, didn't move a muscle. Except for his heart and lungs and all that stuff, which is a real shame.  
  
Remus turned to Voldemort. "I've got an idea, Voldie."  
  
Voldemort frowned. "Remus, can you NOT keep calling me that? It gets annoying. Now, what is this idea?"  
  
The werewolf smirked, and people began to wonder if he was entirely sane.  
  
If you were to ask James and Sirius, of course, they'd tell you that their friend hadn't been sane since he began taking pills for anger management at age seven.  
  
"Voldemort, if you order Wormtail to come up here and let me change him into a Pokemon, you and I will have a Pokemon Battle, using Wormtail and Harry here," Remus proposed, gesturing to the now rather panicked-looking Pikachu/Harry.  
  
"Pika pika pi, pika pi pi Pikachu chu!" Harry protested. Remus seemed to understand him and turned to everyone.  
  
"What Harry just said translates into; 'No way I'm going to let you get me killed, you can fight Voldie yourself if you want him fought'."  
  
"Now Harry," Severus admonished. "Don't be such a spoilsport! We need entertainment, and YOU are going to provide it." He turned to the Dark Lord. "Well what do you say Voldemort?"  
  
Voldemort considered his answer for nearly five minutes, and then he spoke. "First condition, tell Harry not to call me Voldie. Other than that...."  
  
He turned and gave a truly evil grin to Wormtail. "I order you to go up there, Wormtail. Now. Or I shall order you to transform and let Nagini chase you around my Evil Lair when we leave."  
  
Wormtail looked terrified. "Y-y-y-y-ye-e-ee-ee-ye-s-ss ye-es my Lord." He was so scared he was stuttering even worse than normal.  
  
He nonetheless obeyed his Master's command, and timidly crept up towards the insane werewolf and the Potions Master who people were now also beginning to worry about.  
  
Remus smirked evilly as his old friend stumbled towards him, and held out his wand. "I'm not going to bother with silly introductions, as soon as I transform this piece of filth you will see why. Poke-change!"  
  
Wormtail changed into a rather ugly looking rat-like thing.  
  
"A Ratticate," Severus said disdainfully. "Not only is Pettigrew a treacherous rat, but a rat is his Animagus form."  
  
Remus grinned insanely at the Dark Lord. "Shall we battle now?"  
  
Voldemort grinned back in exactly the same manner. "I believe we shall."  
  
*************************************************  
  
James and Sirius were sniggering madly.  
  
"Oh this is priceless!" Sirius crowed. "Bloody brilliant!"  
  
"Remus may be insane, but he's got a wicked sense of humour!" James added.  
  
Lily glared at them both disapprovingly. "I don't see what's so funny," she said huffily. "My son is about to go one on one with a disgusting little rat, and my son is currently an electric yellow mouse! How is any of that FUNNY?"  
  
The two dark haired men glanced at each other. "It just is, Lils," James told his wife reasonably. "Peter. A rat. Rat, Peter. Get it?"  
  
She sighed. "I got it all along, I just don't find it funny!"  
  
Voldemort smiled at her. "Don't worry, I wont let Wormtail hurt Harry. I want to kill him myself some other day."  
  
She grinned back at him in relief. "You know Voldemort, when you aren't trying to kill my son you're not so bad."  
  
He laughed. "Even a Dark Lord can't be evil all the time!"  
  
"You're right, Voldemort."  
  
"Say You-Know-Who, will you!" Ron hissed from across the table.  
  
Lily slapped him across the face. "No. His name is Voldemort."  
  
Voldemort nodded. "She's right you know, my name IS Voldemort, and I'd appreciate it if you'd use it."  
  
Ron was so scared by the Dark Lord talking to him that he fainted. 


	4. Finally, the Battle and The End

The end of this lovely little story. Short, yes, but there might be a sequel if people would read it.  
  
I know it took forever to update; I'm sorry!  
  
Thanks so much to the following reviewers!  
  
~chaser1  
  
~BLOODYTHIRSTY1  
  
~whipsnake  
  
~Sir/Lady Lupin  
  
~LoonyLoopyLisa  
  
~I Am A Sly Slytherin  
  
~Dana Malfoy  
  
~Two Bored Idiots  
  
~DMP  
  
~Kiori  
  
~Jess16  
  
~Team Rocket  
  
~the crazy ladies  
  
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REMUS & SEVERUS, THE LOSS OF DUMBLEDORE'S KEYS, AND POKEMON  
  
By SilverWolf7007  
  
CHAPTER FOUR - THE BATTLE AND THE END  
  
Voldemort stood up and walked to join Remus and Severus at the front of the Hall.  
  
Wormtail was making weird noises and cringing at his Master's feet. Voldemort kicked him. "Stop cowering, Wormtail! You have a battle to fight!"  
  
Remus turned to Harry. "Are you ready, Harry?"  
  
Harry shook his small yellow head. "Pika CHU pika!!!"  
  
The crazy werewolf looked highly offended. "I beg your pardon?!"  
  
Draco rolled his eyes. "We need a frickin' translator in here!"  
  
Someone suddenly appeared in the Great Hall. She had bright pink hair and was grinning at them all evilly.  
  
Remus laughed. "Hello Tonks."  
  
"Hey. I heard you might want a translator. I think I can fill the role."  
  
"All right then. Come stand here and tell everyone what Harry and Wormtail are saying."  
  
Tonks joined Remus and turned to Harry. "Can you repeat whatever it was that you said that made Draco think you all required a translator?"  
  
Harry blinked, then nodded. He turned and glared at Remus. "Pika CHU pika!!!"  
  
Tonks held back a laugh. "He said, 'Fuck you Remus'."  
  
Remus looked offended, but then shrugged. "Whatever Harry. I don't have time for this. For Merlin's sake just bloody fight Wormtail." He leaned down to whisper in Harry's ear. "I'll let you electrocute him, if you like."  
  
Harry eyed Remus speculatively. Then, he smirked evilly and turned to face the nervous Wormtail.  
  
Voldemort grinned and nodded to Remus. Remus nodded back.  
  
"Ready, set, go!" Severus yelled, stepping away.  
  
"Wormtail, Quick Attack!" Voldemort yelled.  
  
"Harry, use some kind of attack because I can't remember the names of any!" Remus yelled, sounding somewhat panicked.  
  
Lily stood up and sent the werewolf a Death Glare. "If my son gets hurt from this, Remus Lupin, you wont live to regret it!" James pulled her back into her seat. "In fact," she continued. "You will. I'll just bloody haunt you until the end of eternity!"  
  
Remus looked even more nervous and turned to see how Harry was faring.  
  
Luckily, Wormtail didn't know the meaning of the word 'quick' and seemed to be having trouble going within even five metres of Harry.  
  
Harry was just staring at him, before he turned to Tonks. "Pik a pika chu Pikachu ka kachu!"  
  
Tonks sighed. "He said, 'This is stupid, get someone else to do it if he's not even going to fight, dammit!'"  
  
**************************************************  
  
Hermione and Seamus finally looked away from the 'battle' and glanced down at Ron, who was still unconscious on the ground.  
  
"Think we should be waking him?" Seamus asked her mildly.  
  
Hermione shrugged. "Yeah, I suppose so. I don't think leaving him on the ground is a good idea."  
  
"No, its not," Percy agreed. "He really doesn't match the furnishings, plus he makes a mess on the ground."  
  
Fred and George stared at their older brother in shock.  
  
"Er, Perce?" Fred began.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Is it just me - "  
  
"Or did you just say something extremely amusing?" George finished.  
  
Percy smirked. "Don't worry, you aren't going crazy and imagining things. I really do have a sense of humour."  
  
"I think I'm going to faint," George said weakly. Fred couldn't speak, so he merely nodded.  
  
Oliver rolled his eyes. "Aw come on guys, you lived with him for years and didn't notice it?"  
  
"I keep it hidden," Percy said with a grin.  
  
Hermione and Seamus just stared at him, unable to speak. They completely forgot about waking Ron.  
  
****************************************************  
  
Remus glared at Harry. "You have to fight! Please?"  
  
Harry shook his head.  
  
Voldemort shrugged helplessly. "I don't think Wormtail's going to fight either. Useless minion," he muttered.  
  
"You ought to replace him," Severus suggested sympathetically.  
  
"I know, but pathetic servants are SO hard to find these days! Plus, I don't think any others could turn into a rat for Nagini to chase around."  
  
Severus grinned suddenly and pulled a feather out of his pocket. Everyone watched in confusion as he walked over to Harry.  
  
Harry watched in resignation as his Potions Professor headed towards him, already knowing what he had planned.  
  
Using the feather, Severus tickled Harry's nose.  
  
Harry sniffed. Once, twice. He scratched his nose. Sniffed again.  
  
He sneezed. "Pik...pik....ka-CHUUUUU!!!!!!"  
  
A giant electric shock shot out of each of his cheeks, hit Wormtail and knocked the smelly rat unconscious. Wormtail immediately reverted to his human form.  
  
"We designed the spell to do that when the Pokemon was knocked out," Remus explained.  
  
Harry turned to Remus again. "Pika Pikachu chu ka pika Pikachu kachu."  
  
"'Now all this is over, can you bloody well take the keys out of your pocket and let us all out already???'" Tonks raised an eyebrow at the werewolf. "I think Harry has a point."  
  
Remus and Severus looked at each other and sighed. "All right," they answered.  
  
Remus waved his wand and Harry returned to his human state. "Hey Remus?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You suck. Now let us out."  
  
And so the door to the Great Hall was unlocked, and most people ran for it. But there were still a group left when the door slammed shut.  
  
Sirius raced over and tried it. Over and over again. "We're stuck, guys."  
  
The Potters, Malfoys, Weasleys, Hermione, Remus, Minerva, Albus and Oliver stared at him, hoping it was a joke.  
  
It wasn't.  
  
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The End!  
  
Like I said, there might be a sequel, but also maybe not.  
  
Hope you enjoyed the story!  
  
Please Review!  
  
~SW 


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